We here at Squarefour would like to provide you with a few insights into the
lives of our players and who better to spotlight today than our notorious league
champion, Jason McGibbon. Jason's Boston 2005 league play added up to an amazing
561 serves last year and was known for his flagrant abuse of style and grace
to send opponents chuckling to the end of the line. You may have also seen him
attempting his signature move The Scorpion a few times during the season.
We thought we would get intimate with this intimadating player and help show
other players that he does, indeed, have a human side. What follows is an interview
conducted via email with Jason McGibbon, 2005 league champion:
Admin: What is the most enjoyable aspect of our
regular four square games?
Jason: Spontaneous ad hoc coalitions dedicated to eliminating
fourth square. Unilateral action just doesn't do it for me.
Admin: When you are not practicing, what do you
do to scrape together a living? Does it involve other sports, the same way basketball
players often take ballet lessons?
Jason: I'm a grad student in the mathematics program at UMass-Amherst,
so once every two weeks I do a bit of driving. I've just started aikido, but
I don't plan on applying that to four square.
Admin: If Train A travels at 55 Mph on a trip
to Train Station B, which is 67 miles away, how much distance will Stewardess
C actually travel if she walks backwards through six 50 foot cars in 5 minutes
while she sells snack chips?
Jason: Approximately 7.36 kilometers. English measures killed
the Mars Climate Orbiter.
Admin: If you could recommend an encompassing
diet that would promote healthy living, in addition to excellent four square
play, what would it be? Also, can you please tell us what specific foods and
beverages you prefer to enjoy post-game?
Jason: Kim-chi, kale, chocolate, curry... basically anything
with a hard consonant. And if you really want something, be clever: have tzatziki
instead of yogurt. Post-game, I try and rip into a greasy bucket of pig knuckles.
Admin: If we made four square league trading
cards, do you have any predictions for the values of some of the cards in ten
years from now?
Jason: I think that the ones printed on platinum will hold
their value nicely.
Admin: Listen, if you were a color, what would
you be, and why?
Jason: I'm already a swarthy pale yellow, and that's entirely
due to genetics.
Admin: Do you have any encouraging words for
players in the coming season, or for those players who haven't yet been born?
Jason: I'm very fond of the word velleity, but I won't claim
that it's encouraging.
You heard it here first, kids. Keep your eyes open and check back often as
we randomly choose a few other players to highlight over the next four months!