Interview with a Champion

  • Posted on: 17 December 2005
  • By: sean

We here at Squarefour would like to provide you with a few insights into the lives of our players and who better to spotlight today than our notorious league champion, Jason McGibbon. Jason's Boston 2005 league play added up to an amazing 561 serves last year and was known for his flagrant abuse of style and grace to send opponents chuckling to the end of the line. You may have also seen him attempting his signature move The Scorpion a few times during the season. We thought we would get intimate with this intimadating player and help show other players that he does, indeed, have a human side. What follows is an interview conducted via email with Jason McGibbon, 2005 league champion:

Admin: What is the most enjoyable aspect of our regular four square games?

Jason: Spontaneous ad hoc coalitions dedicated to eliminating fourth square. Unilateral action just doesn't do it for me.

Admin: When you are not practicing, what do you do to scrape together a living? Does it involve other sports, the same way basketball players often take ballet lessons?

Jason: I'm a grad student in the mathematics program at UMass-Amherst, so once every two weeks I do a bit of driving. I've just started aikido, but I don't plan on applying that to four square.

Admin: If Train A travels at 55 Mph on a trip to Train Station B, which is 67 miles away, how much distance will Stewardess C actually travel if she walks backwards through six 50 foot cars in 5 minutes while she sells snack chips?

Jason: Approximately 7.36 kilometers. English measures killed the Mars Climate Orbiter.

Admin: If you could recommend an encompassing diet that would promote healthy living, in addition to excellent four square play, what would it be? Also, can you please tell us what specific foods and beverages you prefer to enjoy post-game?

Jason: Kim-chi, kale, chocolate, curry... basically anything with a hard consonant. And if you really want something, be clever: have tzatziki instead of yogurt. Post-game, I try and rip into a greasy bucket of pig knuckles.

Admin: If we made four square league trading cards, do you have any predictions for the values of some of the cards in ten years from now?

Jason: I think that the ones printed on platinum will hold their value nicely.

Admin: Listen, if you were a color, what would you be, and why?

Jason: I'm already a swarthy pale yellow, and that's entirely due to genetics.

Admin: Do you have any encouraging words for players in the coming season, or for those players who haven't yet been born?

Jason: I'm very fond of the word velleity, but I won't claim that it's encouraging.

You heard it here first, kids. Keep your eyes open and check back often as we randomly choose a few other players to highlight over the next four months!